Lafonda and Leo Heroes of the land Sneak Peek

Preface

Hey guys, here’s a sneak preview to my upcoming middle grade fantasy.

Enjoy! 😉

DISCLAIMER- this chapter is rough, lightly edited, and does not necessarily reflect the final product. Please keep that in mind for the occasional typo.

Chapter One

Oh, Fiddlesticks! That was the name, yes, Fiddlesticks. That’s where it all began. Smackdab in the center of the rolling orc plains to the West, the mermaid hot springs to the East, the snowcapped mountains to the South and grand castles to the North.

With so much excitement around it, no wonder I forgot it. Fiddlesticks pales in comparison. They were a sleepy town. Not that they were boring. In fact, the town prided itself in a booming mattress market, which was quite a luxury for the surrounding hamlets. So quite literally they were a sleepy town.

Excuse me, where are my manners? My name is Maximillian Preposterous FrippleHoot-Mcgee the Third, but you can call me Maxy. Charmed, I’m sure. I shall be your narrator for this evening. Now relax. You’re in safe hands. Hands softer than a baby’s buttocks. And believe me, when I say, that’s pretty soft.

So sit back, enjoy, as I wrap you in the caressing burrito of a story. And not just any story, the tale of the greatest heroes of all the land. I’m sure there’s no need to mention them. I mean, everyone knows them by now.

So ladies and germs. Boys and Ghouls. Buckle up, pack your undies, as we have liftoff. Tonight’s bedtime story is the delightful origins of two of the best friends of all time. What? What do you mean you don’t know who they are?

Surely you know them. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of the ostrich princess wizard and her little boy brave.

No? Then what are you doing with your life? Living under a rock?

I mean, this story has glow-in-the-dark belly button gnomes. Like, can you do that? I didn’t think so. How many stories have that?

And it also has adventure, friendship, and life lessons… and that’s cool. Too cool for school even.

How could this happen? I mean, what are you, a nerd?

No, this simply won’t do. You’re embarrassing yourself. Nobody likes nerds. Now I simply must tell it. I mean, after all, this story’s about friendship, and what kind of friend would be letting you keep on like this. You’re safe in my soft, majestic hands.

Ahem. Now, as I was saying, it began in Fiddlesticks; the home of our dear friend Leo. Why of course he can glow in the dark, silly. What else would he do?

Leo lived in the attic of his parents’ small cottage. Even being gnomes, they seemed never to have enough room. Money became scarce in those days. The mattress factory went belly up faster than my pet goldfish.

Bad guys were afoot of the worst kind: lawyers. They’re the trickiest of vampires, if you ask me.

The once-thriving town of Fiddlesticks now fell to pieces. Stores closed. Families left, and they boarded their houses. The children of the street vanished, and their sunshine and magic too.

Soon Leo was all alone, the last boy on the block. Tin toys, bubblegum, and pixie comic books piled his room, but without anyone to share them with, what good were they?

If you ask me, that’s sadder than a baby seal dropping his ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Like super-ultra-mega-sad.

But wait, it gets worse. His parents decided to send him away to the most horrible place imaginable. Somewhere so diabolically heinous, so heinously diabolic, that just uttering the name makes me squeamish.

Here goes… Sch… Sch… School. You heard me. School! I know right!

Only an adult could devise such a wretchedly evil place full of homework, stinky feet, and big sweaty bullies who like to pick on nerds like me… I mean you. Surely you must know.

The point is nobody wants to go to school. Certainly not Leo. He never wanted to grow up. And even if he did, he’d become an adventurer and a darn good one too. He’d punch princesses and save the bad guys, or was it the other way around? Oh well, who cares? Not Leo; that’s who.

As a hero, he’d go where he pleased, and no bedtimes and the best part is the fun would never end. He’d have friends again, and momma and papa would be happy again.

This was where Leo got into trouble. His dreams became plans and plans lead to action. Leo decided he wouldn’t go to school.

After momma and papa went to bed, the little gnome started packing his things. His toys, comics, and extra undies for sure were all stuffed in his backpack.

He buckled his tool belt around his waist. And of course, any hero’s nothing without a sword, Leo rifled through the house in search one, but none were to be found. Eventually, he settled on wooden spoons. Momma always said running with scissors was dangerous anyway, and with that, he stepped outside.

The full moon glowed, and stars twinkled above him in all their splendiferous splendor. It was a good thing too. Otherwise, it would have been dark, and that gave Leo the willies.

As he stepped off the porch, he looked back at his small thatch-roofed homes. Leo would miss his family very much. Even as a new hero, he questioned whether what he was doing was right. He set down his favorite stuffed pill bear, Sprinkles.

What’s a pill bear, you ask? Picture this: all the cuddliness of a grizzly bear and all the curliness of an armadillo rolled into one exotic package. Wondrous, right? How did that happen? Well after a thousand years of magical fallout and when a mommy and daddy love each other very much… they… well… ahem, it’s not important.

What is important? Sprinkles the stuffed pill bear could keep them company while he went away. He could tell them how Leo loved them very much and give them his letter telling them how sorry he was to go, but bad guys needed punching, princesses hung in peril, and tricky vampire lawyers needed thwarting.

Then maybe, just maybe, if he could do the last one, school itself would go away. His friends could return, and he wouldn’t be lonely anymore.

With tears in his eyes, he hugged Sprinkles goodbye. It’s hard leaving home for the first time, but it sure beats school. I mean, can you imagine? School? Grody.

Leo trotted through the dark forest. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure where he was going. The only thing he felt sure about was he’d be an adventurer, and the best there ever was.

Pressing on through the night, the air grew colder. Howling echoed in the distance. The wind whipped and whistled through the willow trees. The canopy overhead blocked the light above.

With every step, the forest darkened. Leo’s muscles tensed. He pushed his bellybutton and his skin glowed a bright green. He still couldn’t see much, but it made him feel better.

Blackberry bushes rustled in the black of night. Leo hoped he was alone. Wondering what could lurk in the dark scared him even more.

I mean, what if there were or bandit or bears? Who knows what they do in the woods? Or worse! A solicitor could arise from the bushes. Then he’d never getaway. And before he knew it, he would’ve spent all his money on elf-scout cookies and timeshare condos. That could never happen! He’d gotta become a hero! He just had to.

Leo walked faster. A stick cracked far behind him. Now he knew for sure he was being followed. Heavy footfalls shook the ground behind him.

Panting echoed in the dark, louder than a Pegasus in a thunderstorm, and that’s pretty loud. I mean, you wouldn’t be screaming through the sky in the rain-clouds being zippy-zappy-thunder-clappy everywhere? I think not! The clouds are all like KABOOSH! KATOW! And the Pegasus be all like AAH! Like the sight of a gazillion spiders everywhere and don’t get me started their fear of heights.

Speaking of heights, Leo’s panic escalated to the high heavens. His eyes desperately searched for someplace safe to hide. The footsteps moved faster. Leo dove into the nearest berry bush and desperately clicked at his belly button. The panting grew louder. By now Leo is slapping on his belly, but his skin wouldn’t stop glowing. Don’t you hate it when that happens? I do.

His skin began to flicker. Then darkness. For the first time, he’d seen true darkness. The kind where you can’t see your hand in front of your face. No matter how far, you still can’t see it. Leo hyperventilated. Sweat stuck leaves to his face. The footsteps came closer. Then silence. They stopped. Leo held his breath.

Scratching echoed in the dark. Then sniffing. It was looking for him. He didn’t think monsters liked stickers. Two eyes glowed white in the dark. They shined low to the ground. Then back up, moving on a swivel. He couldn’t make out a face, only its eyes, soft and white.

They hung into the air and crept into the bush. A wet nose sniffed his hand and growled. Leo snatched his hand back, and the snout crunched onto the branch, barely missing him. Blackberry blood splashed onto his face. Leo leaned further into the bush and a branch clicked his bellybutton.

In an instant, his skin illuminated like a beacon. He could now see the creature before him. It stood short by human standards. Mangy black fur covered its body. A torn brown dress covered its torso. It looked like a wolf but stood like a man, a werewolf. With the full moon, he should have known.

The werewolf snarled after him. Branched cracked and snapped as it yanked them out of the way. Leo squirmed further down and fell out the other side with a thump. The werewolf stopped and raised its ears to listen.

Like an overturned turtle, Leo couldn’t flip himself over. His pack weighed him to ground heavier than my regrets. And believe me, I have many.

The beast dropped with his nose to the ground. Leo barely scrambled to his feet before he was in its sights. He sprinted as fast as his legs would carry him. The werewolf galloped on all fours. With a scream, he ate the dirt. The wolf pushed him to the ground, tearing at his pack. It shook it vigorously in its mouth. His comics and toys burst forth like a pinata showering the forest floor. Leo crawled on his back away.

The beast then dropped the bag and hulked after him. Its shadow descended over him. Leo pulled a spoon from his belt and closed his eyes. “Stay back!”

Dead silence hung the air. Did he dare open his eyes?

He peeked from one eye to see the werewolf sit like a dog. Its head turned and panted.

Leo sat up. As he moved his spoon, the werewolf’s head followed. Leo looked confused. Makes sense. Just a moment ago it was ready to eat him.

“You want the stick?” he asked.

The wolf stood up on all fours with its tail wagging.

Leo threw the spoon shouting, “Fetch!”

The wolf leaped and raced into the brush after it. This was his chance. Leo snatched his sliced pack and bolted down the path. Who knew what would happen if it caught to him again? As he continued, he could just hear water run over his breathing. The moon reflected off the streams, and out of the shadows returned the werewolf on all fours, blocking his path.

Leo stopped to catch his breath. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he pooped his pants right now. He slowly stepped back, and the beast bolted towards him again. Before he could even turn to run, it pounced.

Thick meat paws pressed into his chest. Warm dog breath heaved into his face. Two piercing forget-me-not eyes stared him down. Something fell beside his head. Leo dared not look away. The wolf’s head turned expectantly. He looked to see the slobber covered spoon beside him. The werewolf let him up and crouched low, ready for the next toss.

Who could have imagined a werewolf that likes fetch? I didn’t, and I know everything

Leo wiped the spoon and returned it to his belt. In the glimmer of the moonlight, gold shined around the wolf’s neck. He approached with caution. Upon closer examination, it had a collar.

The wolf growled as he reached for its neck. Leo drew his spoon. Again the wolf’s eyes lit up.

Leo hatched a plan. He threw the spoon again, and the wolf happily bounded after it. Only this time the wolf stopped to drop the spoon at his feet. He praised the dog and got a better look at its tags.

“Lunabell Lycantrix 8675 Genevieve Terrance, Cedar Run,” he recited.

The werewolf pulled away, disgusted at his trick. It did a circle and sat with his back to him.

“Are you lost, little doggy?”

The wolf glared at him and then turned away again.

“I’m lost too and going that way. I could take you,”

The wolf snapped with a growl before he continued speaking.

“Don’t you wanna go home?” He asked.

The werewolf shook her head.

“You’ve run away too, haven’t you?”

She turned to him with puppy dog eyes and shook her head, refusing to look at him.

“Tell you what, you can keep the spoon if can take me to town. Sound fair?”

The lady wolf turned with narrowed eyes at him. She sensed deception, but Leo unsheathed his spoon again. The werewolf drooled and conceded with a nod.

She gingerly took the spoon.

“So you’re Luna?” He asked.

She nodded.

“My name’s Leo.”

He held out his hand for her to shake.

“Can you shake?”

Luna rolled her eyes and immediately led the way. She trotted down the path, stopping every so often to check Leo didn’t fall too far behind. Gnomes have little legs, you know.

Every so often, Luna would stop and claw at him to throw the spoon again.

Soon they reached a dilapidated bridge crossing a stream. Luna begged him to fetch again.

“Okay Luna, but just one more time. I’m getting tired and wanna get there before morning.”

Luna nodded between zoomies. Leo pelted the spoon into the woods as far as he could. A faint glow of the city pulsed between the trees. Leo was almost there. His journey as a hero started as soon as he crossed this bridge.

He skipped as he crossed the bridge. Standing at the top, a rumble shook the ground beneath him.

A voice bellowed, “Who goes there.”

Leo drew his other spoon. There was no one around him.

“Leo, sir, I’m a hero.”

The voice chuckled to itself. “You don’t seem so sure. Last I checked, heroes were brave nor gnomes.”

Lanky fingers enveloped the edges of the bridge. The ground cracked and Leo and the bridge rose in the air. A bloated figure towered before him, holding the bridge. It was not round and jolly with peppermint or candy, but obese and reeking of salt and sweat. Its skin had darkened gray and green.

Greasy thin patches of hair receded towards the back of its head. Its face grinned, revealing a row of mud-stained teeth the size of shovelheads.

This was a troll, one of the most horribly disgusting of monsters, and disgustingly horrible he was!

“It’s been a long-time since I’ve had gnome.”

Leo cowered in fear. Every second the troll only seemed to grow like a weed, a veritable garden of death.

The troll grinned thoroughly enjoying the boy shaking like a maraca. “And what’s this? A child? My lucky day. Nothing’s better than a bite-size snack.”

His clumsy troll fingers hoisted Leo by his pack.

“But I’m not a kid, I’m an adult. A hero!” Leo cried.

The troll doubled over with laughter, and large heaves of rancid breath blasted Leo in the face.

“You! A hero?”

Leo felt himself feeling only smaller. He cleared his throat. “It’s true.”

“Preposterous. Look at you. You’re weak, scrawnier than a sparrow, and alone.”

“I’m brave,” Leo denied with his hands on his hips.

“You’re shaking you’re boots kid,” The troll sneered.

“I’m not a kid.” Leo shrieked.

The troll sighed as if annoyed by this argument and raised him to his lips.

Leo flailed his arms in a panic. The mouth opened wide. His legs pushed off his bottom lip. He fought for his life and felt for anything to help. The troll flicked at his legs. As his legs buckled, a spoon stabbed his waist. That’s it. He pulled the spoon and gouged it up the troll’s nose.

The troll roared and released his pack. Leo plummeted the water. The current flushed him down the bank. His gut crashed into a rock on the bank. Leo’s arms scarped into the stone as he pulled himself up.

Searching into the dark, the troll seemed to have disappeared. He made it… or so he thought. A quick glance at the tree line, he saw the lights. He was still on the wrong side.

A silhouette stood at the other side. As Leo shuddered, two gleaming eyes rose taller than him. Snickers bellow from the troll once more.

“I’ll tell you what, kid. It’s been a while since my prey’s fought back. You’ve got spunk. Come close, let’s talk.”

Leo tiptoed onto the bridge.

Half of his wooden spoon clattered to his feet. He wondered how he’d explain this to his mother.

As he looked up, the troll snatched him again.

“You foolish boy. You’ve worked my appetite. I’m in a good mood. I’ll make this quick and painless.

He lurched back. Leo shut his eyes at the bottomless black beneath him.

“Can’t we work something out?” Leo cried, “A deal?”

Troll lowered him to eye level and rubbed his chin.

“A bargain? Fine, let’s make a little wager then. I’ll let you cross with your life, but one condition.”

Leo gulped. “And what’s that?”

“You must prove yourself as a hero?”

Leo stared at him, expecting more.

“What?”

“That’s it?”

The troll looked confused. “Yeah.”

“But I’m already a hero.”

The troll seemed to shrink two sizes. He rubbed his temples unamused.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“But, I am.”

The troll roared in his face. “Silence. A hero’s someone brave, tall, and strong. They save people. You? You’re nothing but a pathetic little lawn gnome. Not even a real glow gnome. Should you fail, you’ll become my slave to eat and lure bait as I please.”

A stick cracked in the forest. Then something clattered onto the stone pavement. A spoon. As the troll turned, Luna lunged. The thick wolf snarled from the troll’s arm. Leo flew into the bushes across the bridge. He threw Luna next. The plunge echoed beneath in the tunnel beneath the bridge. She swam to Leo’s side and shook herself off.

“You have three days, boy. Don’t even try to hide. I will find you.”

Leo rubbed his head in the bush.

“H-How will you know?

“Oh, believe me, I’ll know. My spies are everywhere. Become a hero and I will spare you and your dog too.”

The troll picked up the spoon, “but if you aren’t a hero by sunset on the third day.”

SNAP.

“Get the picture?”

Luna’s hair bristled, and she stood in front of the gnome. Leo nodded.

“Good. Now Get!”

Leo shot to his feet and bolted up the path.

And like that, our young boy, brave was off to prove himself more than ever. What a perilous predicament they were in. I mean if I were Leo, I’d need a fresh pair of undies such a fright. Trolls, Darkness, and Werewolves, oh my!

Who would’ve thunk it that Luna would change sides? Not me. Dogs must be really swell. I can’t even get my cat to roll over. Let alone save my life. I mean, have you ever heard of a watch cat? Me neither.

And how about that troll? Surely, he’s the trolliest of trolls.  Bullies remind me of you-know-where. So, can our heroes prove their valor? Will they reach the city safe and sound? Can Leo stop himself from being troll-chow?

Or will the troll have a shiny new slave in as little as three days? Why am I asking you these questions? The world may never know.

Tune in next week for another exciting chapter of Lafonda and Leo Heroes of the land… Or just turn the page. That’s cool too. It’s nice paper, and I spent good money on that.

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Interested in chapter two?